Well, I have officially left Colorado. New York is such a big city! I totally felt like a little country boy in a concrete jungle when I first arrived but after getting a little lost on the way back to Tara's place after getting lunch with a friend(FFXI shout out to Sexy Lexie!) I feel a lot more comfortable. I just needed to switch to travel mode I guess, definitely good practice for Namibia!
Thank you everyone that was able to make it out those hectic few days I was back! It was really hard to say actual goodbyes to everyone. The feeling first started creeping in a couple days before I left for Hawai'i when I realized I wasn't going to be talking to my mom as much and then just started compounding when I was visiting and being visited by people. When I was going through the last few boxes at my aunt's, which were mostly full of pictures, I started getting pretty sentimental and even a little teary-eyed (there it goes again...). I began reflecting on the time I've had with all of my family and friends over the years and really wish I took more advantage of a lot of the opportunites I've had.
I guess I'm starting to hit that point in my life were I am starting to feel some guilt for lots of the decisions I've made in my life. I look back on college and think, "I definitely would have made a different decision knowing what I do now." Was that decision really worthwhile? Wouldn't it have been a lot more fun to go hiking and climbing every weekend instead with the same friends? I could've spent so much more time snowboarding, doing super cool activities,instead of being...oh, let's see, hungover perhaps. Don't get me wrong we had a lot of great times and we did a lot of other stuff for which I am thankful but a lot of it I feel could've been directed in a more fulfilling manner. That last part is where the guilt comes from but then I think to myself that's jst who I was at the time. I'm different now, those decisions have been made and I can't change them. The best I can do is learn from them and be better prepared for facing what lies ahead.
For example, I want to stay in touch with all of you and reconnect with those I've lost contact with. If ever I am lazy, call me out on it. If I'm not writing letters call me out on it and demand I write you one. When I start to make decisions I think to myself how I would look back the next day on my choice and what are potential outcomes. Would I say, "I wish I went out with them on that trip, laying around and saving $XYZ honestly didn't benefit me much" or would it be better if I say, "Wow, I'm so sore but that was so much fun! I'm glad I went!" At the very least, if you go you won't be wondering what if afterward. Wondering that kills me and is a big part of my motivation for a lot of the choices I make now. It's better to go out and sit around doing nothing with friends, than sitting at home doing nothing by yourself, even if it costs a few dollars. What's that money going to amount to anyway? An extra morning latte? I say screw the latte.
So I guess my mantras for this are "Take that extra step, be proactive and make the first move." If you're wondering how someone is doing, call them! Stop wondering and actually find out! Curious what sky-diving is really like? Save up some cash and go for it! Do what you want to do, life is finite, get it done while you can. At the very least you can look back and say "Hey, at least I got up and did it. I followed my heart and did what I wanted to do." Grow old rich with experiences and live weathly with character. Plan for a long life but remember once a moment passes, it's gone, you don't get it back. Life doesn't have save points (you can't get back all the gil you blew buying fire crystals drunk at 3 am). Learn to relish the good times, forget the bad and always go through it all with a smile. Negative emotions (for the most part) don't get you anywhere and are a huge waste of energy.
We all know this, but I feel most people are re-learning this over and over throughout their lives, myself included. Maybe I'm just dense and forgetful but I'm going to stick with Confucious in that "through knowing ourselves, we are able to know others." So I'll assume you all are forgetting these lessons too. Just try and remember this: Life is always in session, don't be caught snoozing in the back.
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